Jace: One Month

Oh little buddy how has it been one month? Actually if we are being technical it's been about 6 weeks but for the love I'm a new mom #graceongraceongrace. If there is one thing I've learned is to give yourself grace as a mom. Some days we rock it and the house is spotless and some days we snuggle and watch Chicago Med all day. And all of it is wonderful. I still have some pretty intense new mom hormones and I think if you could bottle this feeling it would make a killing. Don't get me wrong, I've had some stressed tears too but all in all it's pretty much amazing creating a tiny human with the person you love the most in the world and then watching them develop. A few updates on our sweet boy at one month:

Oh Jace you weigh almost 10lbs now (actually as I write this he's more like 11 but whatev)! You got your first vaccine at your pediatrician appointment and took it like a champ. Dad had to be the one to calm you down because your mom was a hot mess. You would think being a nurse would make you tough when it comes to your own kids but no way. I am a total and complete wimp. 

You have been smiling more everyday and oh. my. gosh. I can't get enough. Your dad and I will make complete fools of ourselves trying to get a smile out of you. You still love sleeping with your hands above your head but do really well being swaddled at night. You are sleeping so well and most days we have a little schedule going but some days we just lay around and snuggle because you're only this little once.

You are getting so very strong and are holding your head up so much. You unfortunately inherited your mom's sensitive skin and got a diaper rash that drove your mom to her knees. I think we need a whole series of blog posts related to how our kids sanctify us with their bodily functions. I never knew I could sweat and stress so much about a butt. Such a tiny little but too. But all is well now and you never seemed bothered by it anyways. You are a true joy, unlike anything your dad and I have experienced. I am so torn between loving this stage and being excited to see you continue to grow and develop that I am determined to just cherish each day. Each day with you is a dream come true for your mom buddy boy! We love you so much!

Dear Jace,

You are 3.5 weeks old and it blows my mind that we have had you for almost a month. I just stare at your little face every day and can't believe that God entrusted you to me. You are so precious to me, son. I had absolutely no idea the overwhelming love that I would feel for you. But I want you to know that my love for you is like a drop of water compared to the love that your heavenly Father has for you. My one desire is that you would know Him. Now I'm not a perfect mom and sometimes you will feel like the most important things are to get good grades, be nice, be well behaved, eat better, have a clean room.. but I pray that the message we send consistently is that the most important thing in life is Jesus.

Apart from your dad and I's faith I want you to know Jesus on a personal and real level. I want Him to wreck your life and for you to be ruined for the things of this world. I want you to be a man that follows hard after Him and be like Samuel when the Lord speaks say "Speak, for your servant is listening". You are a treasure little boy. It is so tempting to hold you so tight and never let go, to protect you from all the bad things of this world. But every day, sometimes every moment, I have to give you right back to God. You are His child far more than you are mine. I pray you know how loved you are. I pray you always feel at home in my home and loved in my arms. I pray that God would equip me to be the mama that you need. I pray that He would give me wisdom to know the intricacies of your amazing little mind, heart and soul. I pray that God would prepare a wife for you and that your marriage would be filled with the joy and laughter like your dad and I have.

You come from a sappy family, little buddy. I will probably drive you absolutely crazy with the amount of times I just look at you and cry. You are a dream come true for me. For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a mom and you made me one. I have never understood the love of God like I have in these last 3.5 weeks. The sacrifice of the cross takes on such a new and intense meaning when I think of the price God paid in giving up His son. So in all the ways I mess up as your mama I pray that the resounding message we send to you would be this- know Jesus, little boy. Know Him and love Him with all of your heart. Grab ahold of Him and run the race that He marks out for you, I know it's gonna be incredible.

Love you so,
Your mama

Thoughts on motherhood

On Monday April 4, 2016 at 6:53pm Jace Austin Cooley was born. Everyone tells you that it's the most overwhelming and intense love you will ever feel and let me tell you... I had no idea. I thought I was prepared and thought I loved this little boy as much as I could feeling him kick and move in my stomach and praying for him for the last 9 months. But the moment I heard his cry I was overwhelmed. It is insane to me that the love of God is so much more intense even then this. How do you bear the weight of it Lord? I can barely contain the weight of the love I feel for my one precious little boy. 

I went into labor early Sunday morning with contractions about 5 minutes apart. My water broke around 11am and we headed to the hospital that afternoon with contractions about 3 minutes apart. I had great, steady contractions for the next day and a half with little change to my cervix. By 5pm monday night I was still only 3.5cm and my Doctor decided to do an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed our sweet little boy sunny side up and not putting enough pressure on my cervix to make it dilate. His little eyes just stared straight up at us looking as content and happy as he could be. My doctor recommended a c-section at that point and Austin and I took an hour to talk and pray about it. My worst fear going into labor was ending up with a c-section and it was a moment where I had to totally lay down my own expectations and surrender. I think every mother reaches a point where she has to surrender her desire to please people and the expectations our society puts on moms. Epidurals, c-sections, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, sleep schedules, on demand feeding... good grief moms! Give me a break... Lord just let my kid love you! More then anything I want them to know YOU Jesus and have a heart that beats after YOU! I realized that my hearts desire has always been to be a mom, no matter how my kiddos arrived. I want to be a mom that walks in peace and contentment even when curve balls are thrown my way. I want to walk in grace and not place expectations of perfection on myself or my kids. And the c-section recovery has been way easier then I thought. I was up and moving not long after surgery and have felt great with minimal pain. 

We went into the OR about an hour later and within what felt like minutes our precious boy was here. The moment Austin and I heard his cry we both burst into tears. It has been the most intense bond we have ever felt. Let me just put your fears to rest about kids straining your marriage... I'm sure that battle will come at some point, but right now I have never loved or felt closer to Austin. There are moments when the only person that can calm Jace down is his daddy and I pray so often that they would develop a friendship and bond that will last for all of our lives. Austin is the most happy and relaxed dad and is smitten with Jace. If Jace is ever not nursing or getting his diaper changed he is laying on his daddy's chest. When we got up to the recovery room my Oma prayed over Jace and then later on Austin's family came in and prayed over him. This kid has the most rich heritage of people praying over him and loving him. The next 2 days were spent snuggling our precious boy and having all our friends and family come meet him. 

Wednesday afternoon we got to take our little boy home! After we got home I was holding Jace and walking around and burst into tears. Mom hormones are intense! I was so overwhelmed with the feeling of a fulfilled dream. My heart has ached for motherhood as long as I can remember and there I was holding the little boy that made me a mama. I truly can't believe I get to be your mom, Jace. You and your dad are my greatest treasure on earth.  

So far these last 2 weeks I have known such deep contentment and joy in motherhood. I had no idea the depth of the love you feel for your kids. It's a weight of love and responsibilty like I've never know. I have to constantly pray and surrender Jace right back to God or I get consumed with the love and responsibility I feel for him. I know I will have moments of frustration as a mom and times where I am exhausted and at my limit. But for all the expecting moms out there, don't listen to the negative talk. The bible tells us that children are a reward from God and the bible is right on point. Motherhood has brought more joy into my life then I thought possible. I miss him when he sleeps and even am thankful for the middle of the night times that I know I will miss when he's all grown up. I am trying my best to soak up every single moment. To put the To-Do list down and let him snuggle on my chest as long as he wants. I want to memorize his little face because I know that tomorrow he will be a little older and change a little bit more. 

These last 2 weeks have flown by and he is already changing so much. He is a breastfeeding champion and eats about 9-10 times a day. Every 2 hours during the day and a 4 hour and 3 hour stretch at night. Eventually we will work our way to a schedule but for now he is a naturally good little sleeper and we aren't nearly as exhausted as we thought we would be. Now I know this kid is not the norm and some newborns are way more difficult and my heart goes out to you moms who aren't sleeping a wink. We are only 2 weeks in and things could change so I'm just thankful for the rest we've gotten! Jace has one fussy time usually sometime between 6-10pm where he just wants to nurse and get that little belly full for sleeping. The rest of the day he either sleeps or sits and stares wide eyed at everything around him. He is the most wiggly baby when he's awake and has about thrown himself off our laps several times. He has smiled a few times and I know when he actually starts reacting and smiling we are gonna be toast. 

We are crazy about you Jacey boy and can't imagine what life was like before you got here. You bring your mom and dad so much joy we can hardly contain it. 

Contentment

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

1 Timothy 6:6-8

Contentment. The true picture of it. Food and clothing? That's it Lord? Like a cute new dress from Target and maybe a sushi dinner or whatever I feel like I want to eat? How many times have I asked myself "What do I feel like eating?" or "What do I want to wear today?". The true picture of contentment is just the food and clothing without the option. Even if I was limited to only food and clothing but had the choice of any food or clothing I wanted, could I be content with that? No beautiful home, nice car, Iphone, Starbucks, 401k, emergency fund, or farmhouse dining table? 

This last week the word contentment has resonated in my heart and head over and over again. When the desire to go, see, eat, shop, buy overwhelms me, the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit whispers one word to me- contentment. Am I truly walking in it? When I pray for more more more, am I really ok if the Lord requires that I live on less? Some people look at my life and ask themselves "What more could she ask for?" And you know what- they are so right! And yet, I do ask for more. All the time. 

This 2015 year is the year the Lord is teaching me contentment. To enjoy the current rhythm and flow of my life and not try to jump ahead to the next thing. To truly soak in the beauty of the deposits I'm making in heaven instead of deposits on earth. Because truly, I'll take none of it with me. Not my refinished sideboard or my 50% off Old Navy dress. We had 7 people baptized at church this morning and I thought to myself- this is it. This is what I'm here for. To know Christ- to know Him fully, to know His word and His voice and carry his character around with me. To know the people that He made and to love them. And to share His goodness. To make Him known. To watch people for the rest of my life be renewed and made whole in the life that Jesus Christ has for them. That is true contentment. 

How To Refinish Furniture

I love finding old pieces of furniture and giving them new life. I love the look it gives my home... but more importantly, I love the price tag. Buying used furniture has saved us SO much money in decorating our house. Pieces that would have cost us between $400-$500 have cost us more like $30-$40. For example, I searched high and low for a buffet for my dining room and couldn't find anything I liked for less than $400. Finally I found an old dresser at Goodwill for $45, threw a few coats of paint on it, sanded the edges, and voila!....

The most expensive thing we have bought in our house were our dining room chairs for $75 each and even that price tag has made me full of regret when I see awesome chairs at Goodwill for $8 each. People.... BUY USED! It will change your life. And when you run out of pieces to put in your house, you can start selling them. I have been amazed at how quickly this look sells and the profit you can make right out of your own garage. And the best part is... it's so easy. Everyone thinks I have some kind of talent when really, the opposite is true. I am not great at painting... I can't stay inside the lines for the life of me and am not a very patient person. So all that to say... here is a small tutorial on how I finish furniture. I am positive you can search pinterest and find a much more detailed, complex way to do it. But I love being able to start and finish a project within a matter of hours. So before I get started on the tutorial I will share with you some of my favorite pieces and the price I got them for!

This little rustic beauty of a table was only $20. 

$12 Goodwill

And quite possibly my favorite piece ever that has found a home in my kitchen was only $35 at Goodwill.

What you'll need:

1. A paint brush

2. An old piece of furniture to paint

3. Chalk paint (I like Annie Sloan)- you can make your own chalk paint if you want to but I find it much easier to just buy the pre-made chalk paint. It works better anyways.

4. A clean rag

5. A finishing coat (I use polycrylic because it's easy)

Step One: Find your piece. I found this little wooden dresser at Goodwill the other day and with a price tag of $25 I said I'll take it!

Step 2: Take your clean rag and some water and clean it off. This is the part you would go ahead and take all the knobs off too if there are any.

Step 3: Paint 2 coats of the chalk paint onto the furniture. It's that easy. I don't sand, prime, or tape the edges. Just dip your regular old paint brush into the can and paint. 

Step 4: Sand down the edges (if you want). Depending on how rustic of a look you are going for is the amount you should sand. I don't use any particular grit of sand paper I just grab whatever is in the deep recesses of my garage. I usually sand all the edges and maybe a few spots in the center of the drawer if I am going for a very rustic look. For this particular piece I did a very light sanding because I liked the clean look with the blue color I picked.

Step 5: After paint has dried (which takes maybe 2 hours if that) rinse off your paint brush and paint on 2 coats of polycrylic. Some people love the wax finish but there are all these steps about buffing and I have no idea what that means so I'll stick with this. Just paint it on... let it dry for a little bit.. and paint one more coat on. 

Step 6: Reattach your knobs and then... you are DONE!

And nobody will believe you only payed $25 for this little beauty! And you can take the extra $150 dollars you would've spent on a brand new dresser and invest it! But that's another talk for another time. Have I mentioned I'm a 60 year old man trapped in a 25 year old girls body? I hope each of you can find the freedom in buying used. And the truth is... you will end up loving the pieces you put elbow grease into more then you love your brand new stuff. I can promise you that!

Guest bathroom progress

I decorated our guest bathroom quickly as soon as we moved in the house and have never been satisfied with it. I wanted it to feel calm and clean and it never quite worked for me after I first decorated it. It is still a work in progress but I like the result so much better now. I am still searching for an old window pane to put above the shower and the perfect bath mat for the floor. My favorite part is definitely the rustic towel ladder Austin built for me to put in place of the towel bar!

Before:

After:

Source list:
Paint color- Porch grey (Walmart paint brand)
Shower curtain- Amazon
Bird cage- Michaels
Wreath- Home Goods
Shelf- thrifted
Towel ladder- built by Austin


I'm also toying with the idea of painting the brown cabinet a soft grey or white and distressing it. So many projects.... so little time! Hope your Memorial Day Weekend is full of family, friends, and maybe a few home projects!

Gratitude

How easy it is to be thankful when everything is going my way. When the sun is shining, birds are chirping, and my hair does what I tell it to. The moments of truth come when things don't quite work the way we want them to. Austin and I have had a very small piece of that this week when our air conditioning decided to just stop working. I have been shocked at how much I took air conditioning for granted before this week. Our house has gotten up to 95 degrees inside and blow drying my hair every morning is like my own personalized steam room. At our greatest moment of frustration we stopped and looked at each other and I realized if this is our greatest hardship at the moment then truly we have an incredibly easy life. 

So much of life's challenges are about our perspective. For example... when I wake up for work the last thought on my mind is thankfulness when the 4:45am alarm bell starts chirping. But as I get ready for the day I realize that the job I'm going to may be somebody else's biggest prayer request right now. There is somebody somewhere who is begging God for a steady job that they enjoy that can provide for their basic needs. God has entrusted something to me that other people are in great need of. 

My sweet and wonderful husband is like a walking laundry tornado. Sometimes I think he is trying to land each piece of his clothing in a separate corner of his house. I have this picture in my head of me chasing him around our entire lives just catching clothes as he launches them away. There will be a laundry basket in the closet and the closest they get to that basket is directly beside them, but never in them. One day I was picking up behind him feeling frustrated when I had this moment where the Lord showed me all of the times I had prayed for and longed for marriage. I remembered that these moments of laundry, cleaning, and serving my husband were the exact moments I had prayed for. That there are other girls out there who would joyfully serve their husbands if God would grant them that deep desire. 

I am reminded each and ever day that I have been given so much more than I deserve. That the grace of God has provided me forgiveness of my sins. If that is all I ever get in life that would be more then I could earn. Yet God has so graciously given me all of these other things out of the abundance. And yes, air conditioning is one of those things that is a gift. So as I sit and wait for the air conditioning man I will enjoy the way the breeze is floating through my house as every window is open and I can smell the blooming roses right outside the window. 

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18