Failure

One of the greatest fears I have struggled with is the fear of failure. I have gone so far as to not even try for fear of failing at something new. I like being good at things and having the assurance that I will succeed. Raising a child has magnified this fear of failure. I was handed the most precious treasure I have ever been given on this earth and suddenly I have been asked to make a thousand decisions that will shape him into the person he will become. This responsibility has caused me to want to overanalyze every.single.decision. 

Did I feed him too much or not enough? Did I let him cry too long or should I have waited longer to go in and get him? Should I have skipped the vaccine or gotten it? Should we make our own baby food or buy the (awesome) pre-filled pouches? Should I work or stay-home? Should I show mercy or bring correction? And I haven't even gotten to the truly crucial years where I am helping shape a soul not just a body. 

As I was praying this morning, a pretty strong thought hit me... I will fail my kids. At some point or another, I will fail them. I will say or do the wrong thing and disappoint them. Now that is not to say that I won't try my hardest and lean on God's grace and wisdom every single day. That is not a free pass to throw my hands in the air and give up. But it does set me free to realize that my kids need to see me fail. If I never failed them how would I show them a need for God's forgiveness?

The foundation of my belief system in Jesus Christ is that I am a sinner in need of saving. More than my kids need a perfect parent, they need to realize that there is a perfect Jesus who will not let them down, even when I do. If we never show our kids our weakness, how will they be able to attest to God's strength? 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. Somewhere along the road we have gotten the idea that following Christ means we have our act together. I want to teach my kids that I follow Christ because I don't have my act together. When I fail it opens the door for me to point my kids to the One who will not fail them. When I say the wrong thing it opens the door to ask my kids forgiveness and teach them about the ultimate forgiveness found in Jesus Christ. 

So let's walk in the freedom we are meant to walk in Jesus Christ. The pursuit of perfection in ourselves is an empty pursuit that strangles the life out of our joy. If I were truly perfect I would give my kids no reason for placing their faith in Jesus Christ. I want to be a person that shows my brokenness, humility, and weakness so that I can boast all the more gladly in Christ's strength.