These Are The Days

This morning after Jace woke up and nursed I was trying to pump to stock up my freezer supply a little bit. About 3 minutes into it Jace started whining and fussing and pulling up on me to hold him. I felt frustrated wondering why can't I sit for just a minute and pump and he play independently? Normally he is really good at playing independently, but between a high fever and teeth coming in, he just wanted to be held. I let him fuss for a little while so I could finish pumping then put up my stuff and picked him up but was still frustrated. I wanted to clean the kitchen and vacuum up the mess that 11 puppies can make within a matter of minutes. 

Yes, you read that right... my dog had 11 puppies and so I have 12 dogs living in my house right now. This being the girl that was TERRIFIED of dogs growing up. I have come a long way! I decided to just sit with Jace for a few minutes and read a book. The magic in those moments is that he always stops crying and is so still if I will just sit with him. Everyday when I face a frustrating moment I'm struck with the thought that these are the days. The days that at the end of my life I will look back and say these were the best days of my life. The little years have their difficulties, but man have they been so sweet. There is a sweetness to my days at home with Jace like I have never known before. He is my little companion and buddy and I so love having one on one time with him. I will never have this again. When we have our next child my time will be split between two little loves. 

The days are definitely moving fast but for the first time in my life I am not anxious for future or longing for the past. I don't look back on newborn days and ache for them because every stage has brought so much joy. It really doesn't bring me any sorrow that he is growing up fast because I look forward to each new stage. Even when he is grown and gone I so look forward to having adult children as friends like Austin and I's parents are to us. I realize my vision of parenting may sound so rosy but there is a big part of me that believes that things are what you make of them to a certain degree. 

There are positive and negatives to every situation and it is up to you which ones you put more emphasis on. I don't want to just "get through" my days. I want to wring out all that each day has for me. I want to be fully present in the moment and take full advantage of this time in my life. God is refining me so much through motherhood. I am such a perfectionist and like things to be clean, pretty and orderly. Sometimes I strive so hard for perfection that I miss the beauty of the imperfection. There are crumbs all over the floor because there is a little boy who is a good eater who made that mess. Praise God for that! Don't wait until things are difficult to realize the blessing in it. There are some moms who would give anything for their kid to eat well and make a mess. There are some people who would give anything just to have that child who makes a mess. Soak up the wonder of each and every moment, whether it be difficult or joyful.