Thoughts on motherhood

On Monday April 4, 2016 at 6:53pm Jace Austin Cooley was born. Everyone tells you that it's the most overwhelming and intense love you will ever feel and let me tell you... I had no idea. I thought I was prepared and thought I loved this little boy as much as I could feeling him kick and move in my stomach and praying for him for the last 9 months. But the moment I heard his cry I was overwhelmed. It is insane to me that the love of God is so much more intense even then this. How do you bear the weight of it Lord? I can barely contain the weight of the love I feel for my one precious little boy. 

I went into labor early Sunday morning with contractions about 5 minutes apart. My water broke around 11am and we headed to the hospital that afternoon with contractions about 3 minutes apart. I had great, steady contractions for the next day and a half with little change to my cervix. By 5pm monday night I was still only 3.5cm and my Doctor decided to do an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed our sweet little boy sunny side up and not putting enough pressure on my cervix to make it dilate. His little eyes just stared straight up at us looking as content and happy as he could be. My doctor recommended a c-section at that point and Austin and I took an hour to talk and pray about it. My worst fear going into labor was ending up with a c-section and it was a moment where I had to totally lay down my own expectations and surrender. I think every mother reaches a point where she has to surrender her desire to please people and the expectations our society puts on moms. Epidurals, c-sections, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, sleep schedules, on demand feeding... good grief moms! Give me a break... Lord just let my kid love you! More then anything I want them to know YOU Jesus and have a heart that beats after YOU! I realized that my hearts desire has always been to be a mom, no matter how my kiddos arrived. I want to be a mom that walks in peace and contentment even when curve balls are thrown my way. I want to walk in grace and not place expectations of perfection on myself or my kids. And the c-section recovery has been way easier then I thought. I was up and moving not long after surgery and have felt great with minimal pain. 

We went into the OR about an hour later and within what felt like minutes our precious boy was here. The moment Austin and I heard his cry we both burst into tears. It has been the most intense bond we have ever felt. Let me just put your fears to rest about kids straining your marriage... I'm sure that battle will come at some point, but right now I have never loved or felt closer to Austin. There are moments when the only person that can calm Jace down is his daddy and I pray so often that they would develop a friendship and bond that will last for all of our lives. Austin is the most happy and relaxed dad and is smitten with Jace. If Jace is ever not nursing or getting his diaper changed he is laying on his daddy's chest. When we got up to the recovery room my Oma prayed over Jace and then later on Austin's family came in and prayed over him. This kid has the most rich heritage of people praying over him and loving him. The next 2 days were spent snuggling our precious boy and having all our friends and family come meet him. 

Wednesday afternoon we got to take our little boy home! After we got home I was holding Jace and walking around and burst into tears. Mom hormones are intense! I was so overwhelmed with the feeling of a fulfilled dream. My heart has ached for motherhood as long as I can remember and there I was holding the little boy that made me a mama. I truly can't believe I get to be your mom, Jace. You and your dad are my greatest treasure on earth.  

So far these last 2 weeks I have known such deep contentment and joy in motherhood. I had no idea the depth of the love you feel for your kids. It's a weight of love and responsibilty like I've never know. I have to constantly pray and surrender Jace right back to God or I get consumed with the love and responsibility I feel for him. I know I will have moments of frustration as a mom and times where I am exhausted and at my limit. But for all the expecting moms out there, don't listen to the negative talk. The bible tells us that children are a reward from God and the bible is right on point. Motherhood has brought more joy into my life then I thought possible. I miss him when he sleeps and even am thankful for the middle of the night times that I know I will miss when he's all grown up. I am trying my best to soak up every single moment. To put the To-Do list down and let him snuggle on my chest as long as he wants. I want to memorize his little face because I know that tomorrow he will be a little older and change a little bit more. 

These last 2 weeks have flown by and he is already changing so much. He is a breastfeeding champion and eats about 9-10 times a day. Every 2 hours during the day and a 4 hour and 3 hour stretch at night. Eventually we will work our way to a schedule but for now he is a naturally good little sleeper and we aren't nearly as exhausted as we thought we would be. Now I know this kid is not the norm and some newborns are way more difficult and my heart goes out to you moms who aren't sleeping a wink. We are only 2 weeks in and things could change so I'm just thankful for the rest we've gotten! Jace has one fussy time usually sometime between 6-10pm where he just wants to nurse and get that little belly full for sleeping. The rest of the day he either sleeps or sits and stares wide eyed at everything around him. He is the most wiggly baby when he's awake and has about thrown himself off our laps several times. He has smiled a few times and I know when he actually starts reacting and smiling we are gonna be toast. 

We are crazy about you Jacey boy and can't imagine what life was like before you got here. You bring your mom and dad so much joy we can hardly contain it. 

Contentment

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

1 Timothy 6:6-8

Contentment. The true picture of it. Food and clothing? That's it Lord? Like a cute new dress from Target and maybe a sushi dinner or whatever I feel like I want to eat? How many times have I asked myself "What do I feel like eating?" or "What do I want to wear today?". The true picture of contentment is just the food and clothing without the option. Even if I was limited to only food and clothing but had the choice of any food or clothing I wanted, could I be content with that? No beautiful home, nice car, Iphone, Starbucks, 401k, emergency fund, or farmhouse dining table? 

This last week the word contentment has resonated in my heart and head over and over again. When the desire to go, see, eat, shop, buy overwhelms me, the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit whispers one word to me- contentment. Am I truly walking in it? When I pray for more more more, am I really ok if the Lord requires that I live on less? Some people look at my life and ask themselves "What more could she ask for?" And you know what- they are so right! And yet, I do ask for more. All the time. 

This 2015 year is the year the Lord is teaching me contentment. To enjoy the current rhythm and flow of my life and not try to jump ahead to the next thing. To truly soak in the beauty of the deposits I'm making in heaven instead of deposits on earth. Because truly, I'll take none of it with me. Not my refinished sideboard or my 50% off Old Navy dress. We had 7 people baptized at church this morning and I thought to myself- this is it. This is what I'm here for. To know Christ- to know Him fully, to know His word and His voice and carry his character around with me. To know the people that He made and to love them. And to share His goodness. To make Him known. To watch people for the rest of my life be renewed and made whole in the life that Jesus Christ has for them. That is true contentment. 

How To Refinish Furniture

I love finding old pieces of furniture and giving them new life. I love the look it gives my home... but more importantly, I love the price tag. Buying used furniture has saved us SO much money in decorating our house. Pieces that would have cost us between $400-$500 have cost us more like $30-$40. For example, I searched high and low for a buffet for my dining room and couldn't find anything I liked for less than $400. Finally I found an old dresser at Goodwill for $45, threw a few coats of paint on it, sanded the edges, and voila!....

The most expensive thing we have bought in our house were our dining room chairs for $75 each and even that price tag has made me full of regret when I see awesome chairs at Goodwill for $8 each. People.... BUY USED! It will change your life. And when you run out of pieces to put in your house, you can start selling them. I have been amazed at how quickly this look sells and the profit you can make right out of your own garage. And the best part is... it's so easy. Everyone thinks I have some kind of talent when really, the opposite is true. I am not great at painting... I can't stay inside the lines for the life of me and am not a very patient person. So all that to say... here is a small tutorial on how I finish furniture. I am positive you can search pinterest and find a much more detailed, complex way to do it. But I love being able to start and finish a project within a matter of hours. So before I get started on the tutorial I will share with you some of my favorite pieces and the price I got them for!

This little rustic beauty of a table was only $20. 

$12 Goodwill

And quite possibly my favorite piece ever that has found a home in my kitchen was only $35 at Goodwill.

What you'll need:

1. A paint brush

2. An old piece of furniture to paint

3. Chalk paint (I like Annie Sloan)- you can make your own chalk paint if you want to but I find it much easier to just buy the pre-made chalk paint. It works better anyways.

4. A clean rag

5. A finishing coat (I use polycrylic because it's easy)

Step One: Find your piece. I found this little wooden dresser at Goodwill the other day and with a price tag of $25 I said I'll take it!

Step 2: Take your clean rag and some water and clean it off. This is the part you would go ahead and take all the knobs off too if there are any.

Step 3: Paint 2 coats of the chalk paint onto the furniture. It's that easy. I don't sand, prime, or tape the edges. Just dip your regular old paint brush into the can and paint. 

Step 4: Sand down the edges (if you want). Depending on how rustic of a look you are going for is the amount you should sand. I don't use any particular grit of sand paper I just grab whatever is in the deep recesses of my garage. I usually sand all the edges and maybe a few spots in the center of the drawer if I am going for a very rustic look. For this particular piece I did a very light sanding because I liked the clean look with the blue color I picked.

Step 5: After paint has dried (which takes maybe 2 hours if that) rinse off your paint brush and paint on 2 coats of polycrylic. Some people love the wax finish but there are all these steps about buffing and I have no idea what that means so I'll stick with this. Just paint it on... let it dry for a little bit.. and paint one more coat on. 

Step 6: Reattach your knobs and then... you are DONE!

And nobody will believe you only payed $25 for this little beauty! And you can take the extra $150 dollars you would've spent on a brand new dresser and invest it! But that's another talk for another time. Have I mentioned I'm a 60 year old man trapped in a 25 year old girls body? I hope each of you can find the freedom in buying used. And the truth is... you will end up loving the pieces you put elbow grease into more then you love your brand new stuff. I can promise you that!

Guest bathroom progress

I decorated our guest bathroom quickly as soon as we moved in the house and have never been satisfied with it. I wanted it to feel calm and clean and it never quite worked for me after I first decorated it. It is still a work in progress but I like the result so much better now. I am still searching for an old window pane to put above the shower and the perfect bath mat for the floor. My favorite part is definitely the rustic towel ladder Austin built for me to put in place of the towel bar!

Before:

After:

Source list:
Paint color- Porch grey (Walmart paint brand)
Shower curtain- Amazon
Bird cage- Michaels
Wreath- Home Goods
Shelf- thrifted
Towel ladder- built by Austin


I'm also toying with the idea of painting the brown cabinet a soft grey or white and distressing it. So many projects.... so little time! Hope your Memorial Day Weekend is full of family, friends, and maybe a few home projects!

Gratitude

How easy it is to be thankful when everything is going my way. When the sun is shining, birds are chirping, and my hair does what I tell it to. The moments of truth come when things don't quite work the way we want them to. Austin and I have had a very small piece of that this week when our air conditioning decided to just stop working. I have been shocked at how much I took air conditioning for granted before this week. Our house has gotten up to 95 degrees inside and blow drying my hair every morning is like my own personalized steam room. At our greatest moment of frustration we stopped and looked at each other and I realized if this is our greatest hardship at the moment then truly we have an incredibly easy life. 

So much of life's challenges are about our perspective. For example... when I wake up for work the last thought on my mind is thankfulness when the 4:45am alarm bell starts chirping. But as I get ready for the day I realize that the job I'm going to may be somebody else's biggest prayer request right now. There is somebody somewhere who is begging God for a steady job that they enjoy that can provide for their basic needs. God has entrusted something to me that other people are in great need of. 

My sweet and wonderful husband is like a walking laundry tornado. Sometimes I think he is trying to land each piece of his clothing in a separate corner of his house. I have this picture in my head of me chasing him around our entire lives just catching clothes as he launches them away. There will be a laundry basket in the closet and the closest they get to that basket is directly beside them, but never in them. One day I was picking up behind him feeling frustrated when I had this moment where the Lord showed me all of the times I had prayed for and longed for marriage. I remembered that these moments of laundry, cleaning, and serving my husband were the exact moments I had prayed for. That there are other girls out there who would joyfully serve their husbands if God would grant them that deep desire. 

I am reminded each and ever day that I have been given so much more than I deserve. That the grace of God has provided me forgiveness of my sins. If that is all I ever get in life that would be more then I could earn. Yet God has so graciously given me all of these other things out of the abundance. And yes, air conditioning is one of those things that is a gift. So as I sit and wait for the air conditioning man I will enjoy the way the breeze is floating through my house as every window is open and I can smell the blooming roses right outside the window. 

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Mom and Dad's Guest Room

 

All my sweet mom asked of me this year for her birthday was to redecorate her guest room.. you don't have to ask me twice! Decorating is definitely my favorite hobby. I love being able to make a house feel like a home and to create an environment where people can come and rest. My goal every time I decorate is to make it look pretty enough for a picture, but cozy enough to put your feet up and relax. I am still on the hunt for the perfect light fixture and something for the wall opposite the bed. But like in all things in life it is a work in progress and the process is the best part anyways!

Before:

As cozy as this red and gold color palette is, mom wanted something more light and refreshing.

After:

I love how refreshing this room turned out. It is clean and bright and the perfect place for guests to come and rest.

 Source List

Curtains- At Home (formerly Garden Ridge)
Lamps- Kirklands
Bedding- Tuesday Morning
End tables- At Home
Pillows- Home Goods
Bed- thrifted
Dresser- thrifted
Wooden wall piece above bed- Home Goods
Mirror- Hobby Lobby
Candle sconces- World Market
Blue tray- Hobby Lobby
Topiaries- At Home



I could decorate a thousand more rooms and never repay my sweet mom for what she has done for me throughout my life. She is a wise counselor and a true friend and this was a small token of love for her!

 “A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” 

-Washington Irving

The Heart of the Home

The most common piece of marital advice I received prior to getting married was to expect surprises. The smallest parts of what make someone unique arise slowly but surely when you are with them all day every day. I braced myself for the worst, but was pleasantly surprised by one hobby of my husbands I did not know about. Somewhere along the way of his life he has developed a love for building things. It could be that this love was lying dormant and only came to life when his dad announced on April 20th "you may kiss the bride!". Or maybe it was always there and I just never discovered it. However it worked out, I was thrilled!


The first thing he built me was our dining room table. The dining room is still a work in progress so I will feature that when I complete the room. Back in February an ice storm hit Atlanta and the city shut down like a zombie apocalypse had actually happened. It was quite possibly the worst 36 hours of my life because I was stuck at the hospital. I worked for 20 hours straight, slept 3 hours, then worked again. Austin picked up a very weepy, exhausted wife the next afternoon. Little did I know he had spend the whole ice storm apocalypse building me a table. What a sweet surprise that was! I saw that beautiful table and my head started spinning with ideas for my Honey-Do list. Since that time he has built me a flower box, a fence, a pergola, and the latest and greatest piece, my coffee table.


Ta Da!!...

This coffee table is truly the heart of our home. This table holds my coffee in the morning during my quiet time. It is the place where all our friends gather around to play games or watch the world cup. It is the breakfast, lunch, and dinner table. It is the place Austin and I put our feet up to watch the Bachelorette every Monday night (yes, it is our guilty pleasure). This piece of furniture is the most used piece of the whole house. One day we will have 3 (or maybe 5) kids and sit around the dinner table like normal people. But until then, lounging on the couch eating digiorno pizza off of our coffee table is the stage of life we are in and it is beautiful. My desire for our home is that it would be nice and pretty, but most of all warm and inviting. I want people to walk in knowing they can help themselves to whatever is in my pantry, eat pizza on the couches without worrying about if it spills, and put their feet up on the coffee table.





Lucy has given her stamp of approval to this table too.

"May joy and peace surround you, Contentment latch your door, And happiness be with you now And bless you evermore.

Irish Blessings



With love,
Gemma